The Road Less Traveled

“Now faith is the assurance of things HOPED for, the conviction of things NOT seen.” ~Hebrews 11:1

Throughout Hebrews chapter 11, the author takes the reader on a historic journey of faith, honoring men and women of old who acted upon their deeply rooted assurance in the unseen, but not unknown God.

But many of these examples, who are looked up to because of their radical acts of faith, also carried doubts and uncertainties in their heart.

Abraham, after waiting for many years for God to fulfil His promise of a son, doubted God’s ability to fulfill His part of the covenant, and had a child through his wife’s servant rather than waiting on God’s promise to give him a son through Sarah. But despite his doubt, Abraham is remembered for his radical faith when he trusted God enough to be willing to sacrifice his promised son, Issac (11:17).

Sarah, herself doubted that she could bear a child in her old age, and manifested that doubt by laughing when the messengers prophesied over her. Yet she too is recognized for her faith that gave her the ability to conceive (11:11).

Moses was uncertain when God spoke to him through the burning bush that he would lead God’s people out of slavery. He esteemed himself unequipped for the job and suggested Aaron speak forth instead. Yet Moses is recognized for his radical faith, not his doubt (11:23-29).

So why are these heroic men and women, who had doubts and hesitations, recognized and honored for their faith? Isn’t doubt the opposite of faith?

No.

Faith requires doubt.

To take a leap of faith, one must have some kind of unknown to jump over. Faith isn’t just a strong conviction and belief that God exists. It’s also an action. Though each of the above examples (and other examples in Hebrews 11) carried uncertainty in their heart — questioning God’s ultimate power and ability to carry through with His promises — they all chose to act despite the unknown, choosing to trust God.

Doubt is not a sin. There is nothing unusual about wondering what lurks in the unknown, or if God is truly trustworthy to catch you if you take the leap. But ultimately it is  one’s own choice to act upon fear, or trust. Faith is the act of trust. It often takes the courage of a warrior to disagree with fear, and to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you. But like Hebrews 11:16 says, there is something worthy of a little discomfort coming for those who do.

“But as it is, they desire a better country, that is,  a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.” ~Hebrews 11:16

So what promise has God prepared for me? What unknown am I leaping into?

Well… let me tell you!

For 21 years I have waited for love. I felt the Lord promise me that a relationship will come from a place of ministry, and that together we would shepherd people into the kingdom of God. There were some beautiful seasons of being single, in which I enjoyed giving God the fullness of my heart and undistracted devotion. Other seasons of singleness proved lonely. But I found beauty in knowing that someday I will be able to give someone my heart and say, “Before we even met, I have loved you by saving my whole heart.” And for this reason each season, whether high or low, was worth it.

But now, for the first time, I have felt God releasing me to take a path that I have never traveled before. One that’s thrilling and new, though at first it looked a little bit daunting.

Yep… You guessed it! Theres a boy.

Because I have never been in a relationship before, I was questioning many things. Like how could I possibly give my heart to God AND someone else at the same time. But I heard the Lord speak into me that He already holds my heart, and it is now safe to give it away. I wondered how God could possibly be speaking such specific, intricate details to me, and I questioned if He would speak the same thing to said boy. But each time I questioned this, I was blown away when he would come to ME and say exactly what I felt God speak to me. I had slight fear because I felt comfortable being single, and had never walked down this road of relationship before. But I also felt released by God to do so, and I felt safe because I am in a community full of families and people of wise counsel, and we have chosen to invite those who have walked through this before us to speak into what was turning into something more than friendship. I even feared simple and innocent moments of intimacy, feeling unworthy to be loved in this way. But I felt the Lord increase my capacity of receiving love from one handful to buckets full. God gently took each and every one of my fears and uncertainties and replaced it with peace and showed me that He is walking with me through it all. No longer do any of these fears remain.

But wait no longer! Let me tell you who it is that I am speaking about, and tell you a bit about him.

This is Leen. Originating from the Netherlands, and now staffing here at Ywam Wollongong, he is currently being equipped to do long-term missions in the Middle East. He is very kind and servant-hearted and is not afraid of hard work. He has frequently proven humble and compassionate, and has the unique ability to feel what others around him are burdened with and uses that gift to intercede or speak into their life. He is loyal and protective, and is willing to take initiative to make ideas happen. Because of his passion for peacemaking, he seeks to break down divisive walls between Christians and those in the Muslim faith. He’s also funny and doesn’t run away from my… unique… sence of humor! Hehe! Oh, and did I mention he loves Jesus?!

Together we value inclusivity, and we want those around us to feel welcome to journey with us in our developing relationship. So I have written this update to ask you for prayer as we seek the Lord for guidance through the decisions we are making. More than anything we desire to walk out in purity and lead each other and those around us closer into the presence of God through this relationship.

At the beginning of this year, I felt the Lord say that He would do something new and unexpected in 2018… It turns out He was right! I look forward to discovering where the Lord will lead Leen and I as this divinely orchestrated story begins to unfold. But for now, may each present moment bring glory and honor to our heavenly King and Creator who is worthy of ALL of our heart, soul, mind, strength, and devotion.